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"At that point, and I am certainly not embarrassed to say, I cried." - Pete from MCVC (Military Community Veterans Centre)

Pete is a volunteer at MCVC and the definition of a true joker. He is the actual Uncle of Christine, who leads the charity, but also an ‘Uncle’ figure in the wider sense. We ask why he got involved he quips, “she conned me into this”, and it’s understandable why she did so. Pete has dedicated his life to helping others – serving in the Fire Service initially, he was involved in the Fire Services National Benevolent Fund, fundraising for essential goods for families affected by tragedy. Later he ran Rotherham Friends of Young Onset Dementia. Although not a military veteran, he is a veteran of the Fire Service and carries all the responsibility that comes with that. 


Not long into our conversation we touch on loneliness. For Pete, it was the loss of his wife where, he said “it really kicked in.” His wife Pat had been diagnosed with dementia and he had spent a long time looking after her, nursing and taking her out on trips. But things got worse and worse. He explains: “She had been in the hospital for quite some time when the ward sister greeted me at the reception – “The doctor would like to have a word with you” – she took me to a very comfortable room, nice chairs, table, lots of bright lights and there was two people. I know I act very foolish and I make people laugh, but I’m not a fool. I knew what was happening. “We’ve done a brain scan on your wife and there is no response in any part of her brain whatsoever. And I feel the time is now to switch off support.” At that point, and I am certainly not embarrassed to say, I cried. I’ve seen lots of people dead, I’ve helped people out of buildings, I’ve picked up badly burnt bodies, smashed up bodies and that didn’t affect me. Telling me that my wife had died or that they were going to switch off life support, that upset me.” 


Having had Pat there most of his life, he had suddenly lost his soulmate, that person who he lived side by side with. He affectionately tells us that they never made decisions without discussing it with each other first, which made for some late nights: “The silly thing is it always happened when we were in bed. It's that point in time when you’re not asleep and you’re not awake. You’re sort of drifting in and out, you’re relaxed and you’re breathing slows down and it’s quiet and then she would say “Pete. Pete, are you asleep? No, but I’m working on it love. And now that’s gone. She’s not there anymore. She’s not where she should be”; he gestures to her side of the bed. 


It was because of this experience that Pete started running Rotherham Friends of Young Onset Dementia, a support group that helps people that are suffering from all forms of dementia. On volunteering he simply says “it’s always been a part of my life” we press him on why he does it, and with his usual humour, he replies “because I am silly, I can’t keep my nose out of other people’s business! I get involved with people, in the past it was because people needed help. A lot of people won’t admit it but there is lots of help needed, here at MCVC, here, there and everywhere.” 


It's apparent that his caring nature and ability to look beyond his own problems is of great benefit to him, as he surmises “helping people helps me” and understanding that talking helps is why he fits in so well at MCVC. A space that perhaps is the definition of ‘friendly welcome’, Pete explains how he emerged out of the throws of loneliness and grief: “I just got involved with things, got involved with people. I know talking helps. I know you want me to talk and tell you these things so I can possibly help other people.” 


Interview from our zine IT COMES IN WAVES



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